To editor of “Lisa”: Jasmina Stefanovic
CC: Independent Association of Serbian Journalists, Association of Serbian Journalists, Press council
We are writing to you regarding the article “Don't Tolerate Abuse” published in the “Lisa” magazine on September 29th 2014, in the “Other” section. The aforementioned text consists of a numerologist's reply to a reader concerning violence she's been subject to for over 30 years.
In the name of women who have survived male violence and who read your magazine, we ask that you to close the magazine's section “Lisa's Numerologist” and give a written apology to the reader who turned to you for help.
First of all we want to note that it is unacceptable for any magazine to demean and insult its readers, and we are especially surprised that this occurred with the “Lisa” magazine which primarily addresses women. Additionally, it is unacceptable that “Lisa's” reply to a situation where a woman is subject to violence is written by a numerologist. We appeal to your sense of dignity and seriousness – yours as well as your readers. Violence against women is a criminal act. This problem isn't one to be solved by numerologists, but by institutions, with the support of specialized services such as SOS Phone Lines for women who have survived violence.
If in the future you have women turning to you who have survived violence, seeking support, we ask that you turn to specialized organizations for advice – members of the Women against Violence Network[1] and we will gladly provide support.
Justification:
In her response in the “Don't Tolerate Abuse” article the numerologist in question perpetuated prejudice: that the victim is to blame for the violence she was subject to (Why have you tolerated it this long? The reason cannot be your children. The next question is why you had children with this man in the first place?[2]) and that women like violence and that's the reason they stay in violent relationships (Unfortunately, you like being taken advantage of, rejected, humiliated, and you don't like being loved and respected[3]). The numerologist relativized violence, and relegated the responsibility for violence from the perpetrator onto the victim (Again, he can do this because you allow him to[4]). The victim is additionally intimidated that she will be punished for all the violence she is suffering (Don't be surprised when after a certain time you get a serious disease of some sort[5]). In this way the numerologist made the victim subject to secondary victimization (the victim isn't only subject to the violence inflicted on her by her spouse, but also to the media's response to said violence).
On the phenomenon in question:
It is always the perpetrator who is responsible for the violence. Blaming the victim means protecting the perpetrator. Women don't like violence, don't enjoy it and don't want it. Women remain in violent relationships for a number of reasons, but liking or enjoying the violence certainly isn't one of them[6]. One of the strategies used by violent perpetrators is blaming the victim for the violence, which results in victims frequently not being able to recognize and address the violence they are subject to, and they also frequently believe that they are responsible for the violence. All of these factors decrease the victims capacity to leave.
[1]List of organizations is available on the Women against Violence Network's web site: List of Women’s NGOs in Serbia who render individual support to women who have survived male violence
[2]Unknown, “Don't Tolerate Abuse”, “Lisa” magazine, Belgrade, September 26th 2014, pg. 46 (see link number 1 above)
[3]Ibid.
[4]Ibid.
[5]Ibid.
[6]You can find more information about why women stay in violence relationships at the Autonomous Women's Center's web page: Nasilje u partnerskim odnosima i u porodici